Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Hobbyist Scribe21/Male/United States Groups :iconwriting-condition: Writing-Condition
Professionals were amateurs too.
Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 208 Deviations 4,640 Comments 9,544 Pageviews
×

Critiques

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Activity


Oh wow, where do I begin? I have so many thoughts on this poem, so many things going through my mind, and I'm just trying to put it all together. The imagery is so jarring in how it transitions from these scenes of bliss to gruesome side effects, giving the reader the idea that these supposedly peaceful images have not-so-peaceful stories behind them.

I see all of these characters as different people dealing with the same issue: a disease that tears them apart, slowly destroying their lives, yet they're described as living in bliss anyway. When I look at the title, I feel as if it's telling each of these people they need to talk to their doctor to deal with what is plaguing them, yet none of them do so. I see it as them all preferring to enjoy the bliss they're putting on versus accepting what's destroying them.

To be honest, I think the final stanza doesn't entirely fit with that. What you have now does work in its own way; it feels like the subject is still trying to deny what's destroying them, even as it weakens their dying body. I just think it could do more playing off of that blissful ignorance we get earlier. For example:

I was tucked snugly inside
My blankets, happy tears dripping
From my eyes- the light
From the television
Keeping me occupied.

I feel like something like that would intensify the mood dissonance prevalent throughout this poem. Of course, my interpretation of your poem could be completely off, and I apologize if so. What I am seeing might not be what you intended, but the fact that your poem allows me to have such a thorough interpretation of it just shows how strong it is. That's not even going into how well you paint each scene and how beautiful some of the imagery is, such as:

"Eternity opened up and kissed him on the lips." (period should be there by the way :3)
"There was a woman on a mountain, bathing in snow."
"Stretched out like the horizon."

All in all, this is a fantastic piece, and I hope my critique is of use to you. :)

The clock striking three o' clock PM and the ringing of the bell meant freedom for the students of Woodfall Elementary School. It was time to say goodbye to school for the day, play outside, have fun and enjoy childhood. At least, that's what the average child would see as enjoying childhood, though Shelby's idea of fun was hoping her new science teacher could provide her with a legitimate reason to attend elementary school. She tried to understand why her parents saw it necessary to make her progress through school like a normal child when her teachers all agreed that her knowledge was far beyond that of any grade-schooler.

Ms. Volquez will be vastly different from any instructor you've had thus far, Shelby recalled the principal saying. When I proposed the idea of becoming your one-on-one science teacher and showed her some of your, shall we say, "work", she smiled, rigorously shook my hand and said "I can't possibly miss the chance to teach a child who fully appreciates the beauty of scientific discovery!" and signed the paperwork without hesitation.

Scratching the hole in her light green pants with one hand and itching her red bangs with the other, Shelby paced around her homeroom, watching the buses drive off through the window. I wonder what Becky will do this afternoon, she thought, recalling bidding her witch friend farewell and watching her soar away via broomstick with her mother, violet pointed hat falling off in flight as usual. It's a shame we have to put off delving into her subconscious even longer than I intended, especially when I have my doubts regarding this teacher. Can she really satisfy my endless craving for picking the locks that keep humanity from learning all there is to learn in this world? Can ANYONE understand how much I yearn, no, BEG to pick every single lock until all of the universe's knowledge is tucked inside my brain?!

"Sure, life's always gonna have something new to learn, but if you just rush through all the learning you'll be missing out. Don't you wanna take the time to fully appreciate every new thing you discover?"

The words of her mother rang in Shelby's mind, and she couldn't help but smile when she remembered them. Mother may not fully appreciate my interests, but she still respects them. If I let my thirst for knowledge carry me too fast, I won't be able to embrace every sweet, succulent drop of glorious enlightenment.

The ringing of the phone pulled her from her thoughts, her green eyes watching the teacher pick up the phone and speak into it, gruffly muttering sentences such as "I understand" and "no, it's no trouble at all" before finishing the call with a dull-sounding "okay, you take care as well" and setting the phone down. "Shelby," the teacher said, standing up and scratching his brown mustache, "Ms. Volquez is quite caught up in her work at the science lab, so she asked me if I could take you down there instead of her coming here to pick you up."

"No need to exert energy you can save for a more valuable purpose," Shelby said, strapping on her goggles and heading for the door. "I can walk there myself."

"Well..." the teacher scratched his balding head. "I'm not supposed to let you into the hall unsupervised, but it's after school hours and you're capable of taking care of yourself."

Shelby nodded and left the classroom, curiosity flowing through her as she headed upstairs and made her way to the science lab. Hearing that her new teacher was too absorbed in work to leave the lab provided her with cautious optimism; she frequently lost herself in her research, so she loved already having a way she could relate to whoever was waiting in the science lab. As soon as she started to turn the doorknob leading to the lab, the door was pushed open so a pair of purple-gloved hands could hold up an orange hazmat suit and a blast of cold air could hit her. "Please put this o before coming in," said a soft voice. "When it comes to what I'm working with, protection is your best friend."

Without a word, Shelby took the suit, walked into the nearby bathroom, and entered the frigid science lab once she was suited up. As soon as she stepped inside, she partially understood why she wasn't allowed to enter immediately; hot pink smoke was emanating from a beaker sitting on one of the tables, its hot pink contents bubbling and leaking onto the plastic wrap-covered table. A block of cheddar cheese sat on a paper plate near the beaker; near it was a grocery bag filled to the brim with various items such as sausages and milk, and a pipette sat next to the bag.

"I'm sorry if I startled you," said the same soft voice Shelby spoke to through the doorway. "That certainly wasn't professional for a teacher introducing herself to a student, though to be honest I don't see the two of us as teacher and student." She walked away from the table. "I see us as two souls seeking Nirvana, two lowly servants trying to please our master, two knights questing to storm the dragon's keep and rescue the princess."

Shelby's eyes lit up at the final remark. "Are you referring to the beast of ignorance who stands between curious minds and the fair maiden of understanding?"

"Correct!" From behind the visor of her orange suit and her square glasses, Ms. Volquez's eyes were as wide and lit-up as Shelby's. The latter could make out short strands of straight hair lining her teacher's head, a tight bun tucked in the back and held up by a pair of ball-point pens. "By the way, my name is Gabi Volquez, and you can call me Gabi, Ms. Gabi, Ms. Volquez, Ms. V., or anything else along those lines." She extended her hand for Shelby to shake with her own black-gloved hand. "I've been very eager to meet you, Miss Shelby DeNigus, ever since the principal showed me the freeze ray he confiscated from you."

"You sound quite certain that I'm Shelby DeNigus," Shelby stated with a raised eyebrow.

Gabi giggled nervously. "When I went to use the bathroom earlier in the day, I passed by a few boys who were talking about 'that redhead in the lab coat who treats science like her boyfriend,' so I made the connection when I saw you."

"Typical," Shelby groaned. "I bet it's those fifth graders who find amusement in the Neanderthal activity of spitball propelling. Those clueless clods should work on their marksmanship if they want to partake in such a pinheaded practice."

"In relation to work," Gabi said energetically, "I'm very eager to have you take a look at the new substance I've recently developed."

"New substance?" Shelby said skeptically. "Whatever it is, its volatile nature was noted the moment I entered this room. If hazmat suits are required to deal with it, does that mean whatever affects it can give a person are triggered almost immediately upon skin contact?"

"Splendid prediction!" Gabi said, clapping her hands and picking up the pipette. "What you see in this beaker is a chemical capable of doing something science has never seen at this point in man's ever-evolving history."

"Enlighten me," Shelby said, sitting on a stool close to the beaker, with Gabi sitting on the other one. "Act as a defogging machine built to purge my mind of ignorant mist."

Gabi giggled once more, and even with a visor on her, Shelby could tell she was blushing. "You're unlike any student I've ever taught, Shelby. When I first became a teacher, I hoped I would be able to show many young people such as yourself the beauty of science and what can happen when you dare to dream not big, but colossal, monumental, and logic-defying." She let out a defeated sigh. "Unfortunately, I've had my fair share of complaints from parents who believe I'm daring them to dream too big. They've chewed me out after coming home to see their kid trying to make their hairdryer into a space satellite, or attempting to cryogenically freeze their dog."

"Don't let them get you down!" Shelby said, sympathy in her voice. "When I hear you speak, I hear the words of a woman that's just like me: brave, bold, and ready to show the world something it's never seen before. Your mission to help children learn to do as you do is an admirable one, and you have my undying support!"

Gabi laughed at Shelby's salute. "Thank you," she said, "for acting far older than you really are. I was curious to see what you would be like when I was told you tried dissecting your class gerbil at the age of seven, and I must say you are living up to my expectations."

"And you have SHATTERED my own!" Shelby exclaimed. "I have found my other half, the one who I am destined to be with, the one who I shall learn from and share valuable information with!"

Gabi blushed once again. Genius she may be, but even she's too young to understand the implications of calling me her 'other half.' She rubbed her hands together. Still, I have an audience for my latest experiment, and I must put on a show worthy of being center stage!

"To be perfectly honest," Shelby said shamefully, "I'm very disappointed in myself. I should've brought one of my inventions to show you what I can do in person, but I was afraid I'd waste my time..."

"Understandable," Gabi said comfortingly. "I doubt you've had a science teacher like me, so I can see why you wouldn't find it necessary to bring an invention that the average human would scoff at. And let that..." she used the pipette to extract some of the hot pink substance, "serve as the segue into today's experiment." She cleared her throat and spoke loudly. "What I, Gabi Volquez, am about to do is..." she pointed to the block of cheese, "test a chemical substance that will cause two adjacent objects to transfer their molecular structures and exchange properties!"

"YES YES YES!" Shelby jumped up and down rapidly. "I'VE TRIED DOING THE SAME THING BUT EVERY TIME THE OBJECTS I TEST JUST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST! WAIT!" She snapped her fingers. "IT MUST BE THE ROOM TEMPERATURE! THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY YOURS IS HOT PINK WHILE MINE WAS ALWAYS CRIMSON!"

"That's right!" Gabi replied with a wide grin. "Cooler temperatures are needed to keep this substance, which I just decided to call 'switcheroonius' off the top of my head because it describes what's going on and sounds humorous, from reacting in a volatile manner. I've also had experiments end in spontaneous combustion, as well as rapid growth of the objects being tested and total disintegration. This time, however, I'm confident the experiment will be successful! If it isn't I might not be allowed to teach here anymore depending on how exactly it backfires, but that's no problem at all. I'll gladly allow you to come to my humble abode, that is to say my laboratory, to see what else I can offer a fellow scientist. Of course I want to see your lab as well, but let's worry about that later and get to work!"

Shelby watched intensively as Gabi lowered the pipette; slowly, carefully, a pair of drops fell, landing on the paper plate and close enough to the cheese to spread and make contact with it. Like with her studying of Becky's subconscious, Shelby held her breath, hoping to see something she herself had failed to create. This is already a better attempt than all of mine, she thought somewhat bitterly. All of my objects burst into flames the moment I introduced the chemical, but Gabi has reminded how much I have to learn. She smiled and looked at her teacher. I only hope I can provide my fellow knight with the same blessing of intelligence she's bestowed upon me! The ignorant beast must FALL! ITS BURNING FOOLISHNESS MUST BE EXTINGUISHED! ITS UNEARTHLY UNAWARENESS MUST BE PURGED!

"LOOK!" Gabi exclaimed, clapping her hands. "IT'S BEGINNING!"

Both of them watched the hot pink splotch on the plate and cheese vanish, and after just one blink of the eye, the cheese melted until it perfectly covered every inch of the plate. A flat, gooey circle sat on the table, its center rippling like a body of water hit by a skipping stone. After a few seconds that saw total silence from Gabi and Shelby, something began to emerge from the rippling center; a white rectangle that sat perfectly in the middle of the yellow circle, which stopped rippling and quickly hardened.

"YOU'VE DONE IT!" Shelby hi-fived Gabi and clapped her own hands together. "WHERE I'VE FAILED, YOU'VE SUCCEEDED! ON THIS DAY I, SHELBY DENIGUS, HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE GODDESS OF SCIENCE! TOGETHER, GABI, YOU AND I ARE GOING TO TAKE THIS ACCOMPLISHMENT AND USE IT AS A SPRINGBOARD TO LAUNCH OURSELVES INTO GREATER, MORE EYE-OPENING, EARTH-SHATTERING, LOGIC-CRUSHING-"

A loud sound halted Shelby's declaration; the sound was caused by the rectangle exploding and showering both brave knights with shreds of paper. The cheese plate melted again, spreading across the plastic-wrapped table and dripping onto the floor. Shelby stood in shock as Gabi grabbed paper towels and started to clean up the mess.

"OH NOOOO!" Gabi frantically tried to clean up the spreading cheese. "Everything was going so good and then it just had to blow up in my face!" The cheese kept spreading, and she gasped in dismay. "I thought I had finally done something right, and then it turns out wrong again!"

Shelby said nothing, merely staring at her teacher. Gabi guiltily hung her head and shook it in shame. "I may love science, but I've had a large share of failures. My first freeze ray exploded when I fired it, freezing me in place. Then I built a jetpack that I let my best friend try, and it sent them backwards through my neighbor's house and into their swimming pool. And of course that time in high school when I tried showing off my prom dress that can take any form and color it wants only for the dress to melt and leave me on the dance floor in my underwear..."

"You failed," Shelby said bluntly. "This experiment was a failure."

"After all my talk," Gabi moaned, "after how much I got you excited to learn from me, I screwed up and proved I'm really a-"

"TRUE LOVER OF SCIENCE!" Shelby proclaimed. "You could've given up after all of your failures, yet you've kept on trying, even when your experiments go haywire. Also," she smirked and pointed to herself, "you think YOUR first freeze ray was bad? Mine shot out ICE CREAM. And how about that jetpack I tried on my poor dog, who's probably well out of our solar system by now?"

The cheese finally stopped spreading, and Gabi was about to open her mouth when the door was opened by the principal. "What on Earth is going on in here?" He asked, dark eyes widened and hand tightly gripping the doorknob. "I heard what sounded like an explosion! I know you're the eccentric type, Ms. Volquez, but surely you realize a school is no place for such extreme-"

"You're right," Gabi finished, taking off the helmet of her hazmat suit, revealing her hair as white and her eyes as yellow. "The switcheroonius is not something that should be allowed on school grounds. If someone were to get it on their skin, it could rub against their shirt and take them on quite a trip! Their skin would turn into fabric and they'd have a shirt made entirely of flesh! Why do you think Shelby and I are wearing these suits?"

"Then why is it in this building?!" The principal half-screamed, clutching his head.

"FOR THE NAME OF SCIENCE!" Shelby chimed in, removing her helmet as well. "ONE MUST TAKE RISKS FOR ITS GLORIOUS NAME, AND BECAUSE GABI HERE TOOK A RISK, HER AND I ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO SLAYING THE DRAGON AND RESCUING THE PRINCESS!" She took Gabi's hands. "Brave knight, wouldst thou accompany me to my quarters so we may strategize our next attack on the hostile keep?"

"By all means fellow knight," Gabi said, reaching down and picking up a plastic wrap dispenser from one of the stools. She wrapped up the beaker, picked up her groceries and followed Shelby out of the classroom, leaving the principal to try and chase after them only to slip in the cheese and fall.

"I try to encourage a young mind to learn how she learns best," he mumbled, "and where does it get me? Face first in cheese." He took note of the taste and moaned. "And it's cheddar, too! That always upsets my poor stomach..."

 

 

The Weird Girls 2: Knights of Science
shining-scribe.deviantart.com/…
The first part of "The Weird Girls" can be found here. :)
As you can see, I've written a continuation to my piece featuring mad scientist Shelby DeNigus and witch Becky Zestira. This piece focuses on Shelby getting a new science teacher to better suit her needs as one with a much higher IQ than her classmates. How much will she learn from her teacher? How much can she teach her new instructor? Will anything get blown up? Expect at least question three to be answered in this tale of zany science lovers. ;P 
Loading...


A waterfall, a stream, or trickling drops,
All coming from the eye, the source of tears.
From joy, or pain, each tear descends and plops,
Each splash reflecting joy, giggles or fears.

The body feels stress, and stress must be purged
When emotional burdens weigh it down.
When tears fall and emotions have emerged,
Will you be wearing a smile or frown?

The answer is unclear until the time
When you are feeling the emotions' pull.
Just know that your falling tears are no crime,
For every human will shed tears in full.

We all cry, we all feel; we should all know
That tears are just part of life's daily flow.
Shed Them Without Shame
A Shakespearean sonnet, written as a tribute for :iconhappyshorty:, to thank him for all of the support and comfort he has provided. 
His story, "The story of Noisome Mist", has tears as a primary element, thus I wrote a sonnet about tears, the result of emotional overflow. We will all weep at some point or another, and the reason may be one of happiness or sadness. Regardless, every human will cry, and all of us will fall victim to a natural occurrence at many points in life. We will all smile, we will all frown, and we will all cry; it's a process of life. :) 

With back-to-back days as far as poems go, I feel my energy being restored, and it feels good. I think this might be a sign that my struggles of the past couple months have finally taken their toll; I believe I can truly begin to heal and press forward in life, ready to cry but not ready to bend. ^^
Loading...
The wind wishes to keep me away and end my journey, 
Yet my plans and its plans don't align,
so I continue to defy it, stomping my feet on the rocky path
As I fight to keep moving forward, a fight that feels eternal,
As if I'm climbing a stair case that gains a step 
Every time I take one, though I know there is an end,
For my destination awaits, one I vowed to return to
At the age of five, one I am hell bent on returning to
So I can cross one last item off of my list,
The list that has already seen the likes of "Visit another country",
"Go skydiving" and "enter a hot dog eating contest" get crosses
Through them, leaving only one cross-less item
That I will tend to as soon as I can, Even if that means letting the wind
Rip the shirt off my back and force me to climb half-naked,
Which is an embarrassing thought, but one must
Sacrifice for one's goals to be obtained, thus I proudly
Throw off my shirt and raise my tempo as
The sun's rays overcome the veil of clouds, As if
Mother nature is cheering for me and expecting
Nothing but victory from this panting, sweaty bag of
Aching bones and failing organs which
Ain't ready for any bucket-kicking, not when I'm finally close
To that spot where I boldly declared myself
King of the world from atop my father's shoulders, a proclamation
I'm itching to make despite my body preferring to
Gasp for air rather than scream, and who can blame it
With how much pressure I've put it through when
It's already on its last legs and begging for mercy,
Mercy it'll get soon enough, but first things first,
I'm atop the mountain at last, the sun above me, canyon below,
Howling wind and squawking birds serving as
Witnesses to the declaration that I'm 
King of the mountain, king of the canyon,
King of the world, and king of living,
For "go back to the mountaintop" can finally be crossed off the list,
And the king can finally step away from his throne
To get some rest and wake up in a new kingdom,
Hopefully one that has angels and not fire. 
Cross It Off The List
GASP.
I'm writing poetry again?! Jesus Christ it's been a long time for my standards! I haven't written a poem in nine days! That can't last, so let this poem end the streak with pride!
Once again, I have an assignment for Poetry II, and this one was to write a poem all in one sentence. 
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvcRMN… While listening to this music from Mega Man X8, I got an idea for a piece about one taking a journey as their life comes to an end, a journey to end their life on a high note and go out with a bang. What better way to say goodbye than with a smile? :)

It's good to be back in the world of poems, and here's hoping another drought like this won't come for a long time. ^^; 
Loading...

Atop a grassy green hill, overlooking countless trees and a clear blue lake stood a home made entirely from wood. Sporting just one story and two bedrooms, the DeNigus household was perfect for the young couple who built it with their own hands and deemed it the perfect spot to start a family. When they birthed their daughter, who they named Shelby after the nearby lake, they were eager to be a happy, healthy family for however long their lives lasted.

Mr. and Mrs. DeNigus wanted their family to be happy, but that dream went out the window when they discovered their daughter was quite mad. Not short-tempered mad, but a mad genius whose first words were the formula for the Pythagorean theorem. They weren't expecting such a thing to happen, nor did they expect little Shelby to bring a flamethrower-equipped self-defense robot to show and tell on her second day of kindergarten. Life certainly threw them an element they weren't prepared for, but they saw it as "nature's way of reminding us what's important" and decided it was best to let their child "cherish the gift she's been blessed with." That didn't stop them from establishing ground rules, such as "no ray guns at school", "no using your classmates as unwilling test subjects" and "take off your lab coat at the dinner table and stay a while." Mr. and Mrs. DeNigus were happy to have an "expressive and curious" little girl, but they showed little interest beyond that when it came to her scientific endeavors. Her classmates and teachers were the same, the former calling her the likes of "Dr. Weirdo" and "Professor Freak of Nature" while the latter disapproved of her eccentric nature and frequent outbursts, particularly when she knew the answer to a science question and would let out a loud "allow me to enlighten all of you as far as the answer you seek is concerned!" before anyone could raise their hand. Fortunately for Shelby, there was one person who enjoyed her company as well as her love of science. 

On the other side of the lake, at the top of a grassy green hill overlooking countless trees stood a house made entirely from wood. Sportin just one story and two bedrooms, the Zestira household was perfect for a small family of witches who all loved to share their magical abilities with those around them. Salyssa Zestira and her mother Valyna chose the hilltop home in hopes of having a vast, natural setting that would serve as the perfect place for the practicing of magic. When they flew over the spot on their broomsticks and discovered it devoid of people, they swooped down, claimed it as their own, and made it official after introducing the landlord to the life of a frog. Salyssa and Valyna weren't expecting to hear the cry of a baby when they were out hunting for herbs, nor were they planning on expanding their home's occupancy beyond two. But when they looked into the infant's bright pink eyes and ran their fingers through her short violet curls, something about the baby and her sudden shift from crying to smiling and giggling kept them from searching for the child's parents. By the time they returned home, the baby had been deemed Beckara, though Valyna's demand that the child have a "y" in her name to continue "a sacred family tradition" led to the nickname Becky. They weren't sure if the child was a natural-born witch, but that didn't stop Becky from crashing her first broomstick into a tree at the age of three, or creating a potion at the age of five that cost Valyna's black cat every single one of its hairs. Fortunately for the young witch, she had an adoptive mother and grandmother who always encouraged her to embrace the world of magic and the possibilities it had to offer.

In hopes of giving Becky a chance to share her love of magic with children her age, they found an elementary school across the lake that took Becky in after Salyssa insisted they would be getting "an amazing, potential-laden youth who can do more than you can imagine." The staff of Woodfall Elementary School found that claim to be true when Becky spent her first day of recess flying around on her broomstick and crashing into a soccer net. When she followed that up by using a spell to bring her drawing of a cat to life in art class, it was clear to everyone that Becky was just as unusual and extraordinary as the mad scientist girl who brought a fire-shooting robot to show and tell.  Despite protesting from many parents, Woodfall decided to keep the two girls as school, considering them a chance to "teach children about the diversity of our world and the people inhabiting it." Although many children and their parents weren't terribly interested in learning diversity from a mad scientist and a witch, that didn't stop the two from making friends; on a typical lunch day where they each had a table all to themselves, they made eye contact and dared to see what the other resident weirdo of the school was like. Thus a friendship was born, a friendship that remains intact to this very day, or rather this very dark and stormy night.

                                                                                                                                                           

"POUR, RAIN! CLAP, THUNDER! FLASH, LIGHTNING!"

Her black-gloved fists were clenched and shaking. Her goggles were firmly strapped against her short red bangs, covering her gleaming light green eyes. Her black boots thumped on the wooden floor loudly as she paced around, red and green butterfly wings slowly flapping and red mug frequently reaching her lips. She paced so fast that the contents of her mug often splashed out, landing on her dark green top and short light green pants. Shelby DeNigus was far too busy looking through the rain-spattered window to care as she paced and laughed maniacally each time lightning flashed.

"Ahhhhh," she took a deep breath and clapped her hands loudly, "what a fine night..." she thrust a finger upward, "for SCIENCE!"

"That sounds similar to something I heard on that cartoon we watched earlier," chimeda softer voice. "Except didn't he say 'what a fine day for science' instead of 'night?'"

"One mustn't steal expressions belonging to another individual," Shelby retorted, swinging around to face the source of the voice. "Every disciple of science must stand out and be their own person if they want the world to know their name. Surely you, Becky, as a gifted witch, can understand the need to pay homage instead of resorting to mere imitation."

"Sorry," Becky moaned, "but all I can understand right now is how tight these straps are. I asked you to make them loose this time, remember?"

"Forgive me Becky," Shelby stopped pacing and leaned forward, "but this experiment requires the subject, that is you of course, to remain still in the beginning stages, therefore your question had to be glossed over for the sake of achieving scientific discovery!"

Behind wide, pink-tinted glasses, Becky's matching eyes rolled and looked worriedly at the orange ruffles of her skirt. They were held down by a strap going across her waist, and another strap going over her shoulders and ruffled orange top firmly held down the large yellow beads making up her necklace. The only part of her body she could move without any restraint was her short, pointed pink tail, which she tried raising up to her nose so she could scratch it. When the tail wouldn't reach, she thrashed her head all about in a frantic attempt to combat the unwelcome itch, her violets curls flailing around and her matching pointed hat slipping off the top of her head. A mere thirty seconds after being strapped to the table, she had complained of her feet being sore and thus asked Shelby to remove her yellow flat-heeled shoes, which were placed next to a tall, glass-sealed chamber marked "RADIATION HAZARD- DO NOT ACTIVATE WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION." Shelby's lab was full of such science-related objects, ranging from a table covered in bubbling beakers of various colors, jars containing the likes of a two-headed frog and a twelve-legged spider, and a large monitor screen suspended from the ceiling and hanging over Becky's feet. 

"Speaking of science," Becky said, once again shaking her head to try itching her nose, "what exactly are we trying to discover? Are we going to go inside a TV and jump through channels as if they were different dimensions?" Her eyes lit up with excitement. "I'd love to go into that show about that teenage witch, the one with the talking black cat. I want a talking black cat soooooooo badly! I could just use a spell to make one talk, but I want one that has a mind of its own, you know?"

"Mind," Shelby repeated, walking over to the side of the monitor, where several wires hung and the objects at the other end dangled just above the floor. "What we're trying to do on this glorious night is communicate with the mind, have a conversation with ourselves, see what's going on in our brains. When I say that, I'm not just referring to monitoring brainwaves, that's too elementary a concept." She held up a blood pressure cuff, pulse oximeter and heart monitors. "Becky, you and I are going to ascend well beyond elementary and break ground that begs to be crushed into pieces that will be rendered too small to see through any device. We shall break that ground using the power of the mind!"

"That sounds really cool!" Becky exclaimed. "It doesn't answer my question but it sounds cool at least!"

"It's simple," Shelby said completely deadpan. "If this machine works, an avatar representing your subconscious will be displayed on the monitor in front of you. You'll be able to talk one-on-one with the part of your mind that influences your actions and feelings in ways you aren't even aware of."

"That means I can finally learn why I'm always craving mushroom soup even when I'm not hungry." Becky curiously watched Shelby put the medical equipment on her body. "Oooooh, am I getting a checkup too?"

"You could say that," Shelby said, "since I'll be monitoring your vital signs, though the main purpose for that is to see if communication with your subconscious will cause your body to react in any unusual way. Will speaking with something you aren't even supposed to be aware of cause your heart rate to speed up, or will it raise your blood pressure? We can only answer those questions using the Goddess of knowledge that is SCIENCE!"

"I just hope nothing super crazy happens," Becky said, "though maybe I should hope for something super crazy to happen since that's what got me my tail!" She wiggled her tail and giggled. "And to think you were trying to give me the ability to alter my height."

"Even science is plagued by error," Shelby grumbled. "Besides," she pointed to her wings, "I like to think of it as retribution for these."

"You said you wanted to be able to fly without relying on a machine," Becky replied innocently, "so I just said a little spell and-"

"Gave me wings that don't even allow for flight like wings are supposed to," Shelby interrupted. "Then again, I shouldn't be mad at you. Like science, magic is an imperfect branch, therefore our blunders are to be expected."

"You're right," Becky said with a laugh. "We're not perfect, but that makes us special!"

"Indeed it does," Shelby spoke loudly, "and let us show how special we are by taking science to an unforeseen height! Becky, I ask that you stop itching your nose and be still until we get a perfectly clear image..."

One more wire hung from the big monitor, and attached to the end of it was a silver helmet with a dozen small, yellow flashing bulbs connected to the top, all of them circling a big red button in the center. Shelby picked up Becky's hat, set it next to her shoes and strapped the helmet to her friend's head. She then walked over to the big monitor and pushed a button on the right side of it; several readings were displayed at the bottom of the screen, each of them showing Becky's vitals.

"All nice and normal," Shelby said, taking notes on a clipboard. "Alright, it's time to push the big red button and..."

She did just that on Becky's helmet then held her breath as static electricity was displayed on the screen. Becky also held her breath and went perfectly still even as her nose continued to itch. A buzzing noise came from the helmet, the bulbs flashed on and off at random, and both girls stared at the static screen, wondering what would happen if anything at all.

"Let us wait as long as necessary," Shelby spoke softly. "Science requires the utmost patience, even if we must lose sleep as a mea-"

"Mus- Mus- Mus... rooooooooo..."

"We're getting something!" Becky shouted, the distorted voice cutting off as she jerked her head up.

"STAY STILL!" Shelby shouted, eyes wide and body shaking. "WE ARE ON THE VERGE OF A BREAKTHROUGH!"

Shelby and Becky went silent again, the only sounds present being the raging storm, the buzzing from the helmet and static. Shelby made sure to scratch Becky's nose every now and then just to be safe, and when she wasn't doing that she recorded the slight rise in Becky's blood pressure and heart rate, which she attributed to her anxiousness. When Becky opened her mouth to speak, Shelby shut it with her hand and whispered "patience, I beg of you." The patience Shelby begged for meant another fifteen minutes of waiting and several more movements of Shelby's finger against Becky's nose. The storm still raged, and Shelby could feel herself starting to drift off to the soothing sounds of beating rain and rumbling thunder. I have to stay awake and aware, she thought, grabbing her mug and drinking from it. I can't let my attentiveness waver, no matter how depleted my body feels, no matter how enticing sleep sounds, no matter how long it takes, even if I have to go all night and never sleep... because science is my golden priority... above all others...

"Roooo..."

The voice snapped Shelby out of her sleepy state, and this time Becky stayed perfectly quiet. The two of them gave each other astonished looks when a blurry figure appeared on the monitor; when the distorted voice became easier to make out, Shelby was amazed that Becky didn't move a muscle or say a word.

"Mus... roo... soouuuuu... smmmmmm... ell!"

"What could that mean?" Shelby asked, frantically writing down the sounds she heard. "Must, perhaps? Must... room... soon... smmmm... smell?"

"Mushrooooooo... soup smmmmmmmmm... ell!"

Shelby wrote down three words, though she didn't understand what they had to do with anything. "Mushroom soup smell?"

"That's right!" Spoke the voice as a smiling Becky appeared on the monitor in full color. "Mushroom soup smell is the answer to Becky's, I mean, my question. I wanted to know why I craved mushroom soup, and now that I'm talking to me, I can find out from me!" She giggled and shook her head. "This doesn't make any sense, but science really confuses me sometimes no matter the subject. Anyway," she held up a bright pink with "BECKARA ZESTIRA: THE LIFE OF~" written in violet letters. She opened it up and began to read. "That day in the forest was the day my life changed, the day I, just a baby at the time, found a new family that still cares for me to this very day. Before finding them, I spent a long time lying on the ground by some trees, and just beside me were some herbs. Only subconscious me knows about this, but the smell of those herbs, the garlicy scent that I love so much, stuck with me during that time I spent alone and helpless. I couldn't move away from it, I couldn't stop it, nor could I figure out exactly what it was. However, that smell was the closest thing I had to company before Mother found me, thus I have developed a strong fondness for the thing that I most commonly encounter this element with: mushroom soup!"

The outer Becky licked her lips and made a loud "mmmmmm" sound, and subconscious Becky mimicked her. "Now both mes know the truth!" They said together. "I feel smarter now!"

"FASCINATING FASCINATING FASCINATING!" Shelby shrieked, writing as fast as she could and recording Becky's vitals, which lowered themselves to normal levels. "We've made contact with the subconscious, now we can ask so many questions! Becky, have you ever wondered who birthed you? Who left you alone until you were adopted by witches? Don't you want to know if you're even a natural-born witch?"

"This me knows!" Subconscious Becky exclaimed, raising her hand. "I'll gladly tell you and outer me all the answers, starting with-"

"SHELBY!" A loud voice called from the outside. "BECKY'S MOM IS HERE TO FLY HER HOME!"

"Mom's here!" Outer Becky said.

"Mom's here!" Subconscious Becky repeated. "We'd better get going, but this was a lot of fun Shelby!"

Shelby opened a trap door on the floor and looked through the hole, spotting a shadowed figure standing in the rain. "SHE CAN'T LEAVE YET!" She spat breathlessly. "SHE HAS SO MUCH TO LEARN ABOUT THE BEGINNINGS OF HER LIFE! THE TRUTH IS BEGGING US TO FIND IT WHILE WE HAVE THE CHANCE!"

"IF YOU WANT TRUTH," bellowed the loud voice, "HERE'S THE TRUTH: IF YOU AREN'T DOWN HERE IN FIVE MINUTES, NO RAY GUNS AFTER SCHOOL TOMORROW!"

Shelby groaned loudly and walked over to the table, where she took off Becky's helmet; subconscious Becky had time to wave before the screen went blank, and outer Becky was quick to leap off the table once her restraints were undone.

"Now I can enjoy mushroom soup more than ever!" Becky said, shaking Shelby's hand and running to the trap door.

"Maybe tomorrow we can get into the REAL questions," Shelby said, "like who gave birth to you, or where you come from, or-"

"Why my nose is always itching! I can't wait to find out!" Becky exclaimed as she climbed down a ladder that leaned against a tall tree. Once she was down, another figure started to climb up, and Shelby prepared herself for a talk with her mother, who shared her short red bangs and was dressed in a dark green bathrobe.

"It sounds like you had a lot of fun today," Mrs. DeNigus said, pointing to the table with wires sprawled out over it. "It's a shame days have to go by so quickly, huh?"

"Shame is an understatement," Shelby moaned. "We could've learned so much more about not just Becky, but the mind as a whole. The possibilities this machine possesses exceed comprehension, and I want more than ANYTHING to comprehend the possibilities."

"Don't rush yourself," Mrs. DeNigus said with a chuckle. "Sure, life's always gonna have something new to learn, but if you just rush through all the learning you'll be missing out. Don't you wanna take the time to fully appreciate every new thing you discover?"

Shelby scratched her chin and lowered her head in thought. "That's a valid proposal," she said, pulling off her goggles. "If I put more time into my experiments, I'll be able to get so much more research out of them."

"For now," Mrs. DeNigus took her daughter's hand, "you should put more time into sleep. Even geniuses get tired, you know."

Shelby yawned and started to climb down the ladder with her mother. "No amount of logic or theory can argue that fact," she said, shutting the trapdoor behind her.

"By the way," Mrs. DeNigus said, "the weather's supposed to be nice tomorrow, blue sky and sunshine. Maybe you and Becky could spend some time outside the tree house and appreciate the beauty of nature?"

"LABORATORY," Shelby said irritably. "We will make plans to spend time outside the LABORATORY when we're finished with this current project."

Mrs. DeNigus laughed as she reached the bottom of the ladder and helped her daughter down. "I love how much you get into your hobby."

The Weird Girls
Writing-Condition's latest prompt is all about communication. 
"It could be as simple as two people having a conversation, or maybe it's something more out there and vivid, like a couple separated by the ocean communicating through letters carried by bird, or the discovery of ancient tablets that tell of a society long ago, or perhaps a weeping soul is contacted by their departed love one from the world beyond. Take the concept of information being discussed and passed on from one to another and let your imagination morph it into something special."

I took advantage of this prompt to introduce two new characters of mine, in order to have a universe other than Hellfire; variety is your friend after all. :)
Those two characters are Shelby DeNigus and Becky Zestira, a mad scientist and witch, respectively who are the best of friends and love to spend time in each other's company. Though they are considered weirdos by their peers, they are still perfectly fine with expressing themselves and showing off what they can do. In this introductory story, Shelby conducts an experiment designed to take communication to a level man has never seen before, with Becky as her test subject. How well it goes will be discovered in the story itself, not this description. ;P

I already have more plans for these two, as well as more characters in their universe that I shall reveal over time. :D 
sta.sh/0daaiiirpyr
sta.sh/022wzgdklun
For fun, I have the characters designs in chibi form! Becky is the top one, and Shelby the bottom one. :3
Loading...
School and personal issues put me in a pretty deep hole, but I've already stated that multiple times so there's no point in torturing that poor horse's corpse even more than I already have, if you know what I mean. ;P

School hasn't been the most fun so far, but at least this is my final semester for gen-ed classes. After this it's all about English, which means more classes like Poetry II, which so far I looooooove. *w*

But even with that going on, I won't forget about dA. I've made some great friends on here, I've gotten involved in groups, I've strengthened my identity as a writer, and overall dA has given me too much for me to turn my back on it. No matter how far I fall, this community has become a home to me, and I won't let it or the people who I've met while in this home ever escape my mind. :)
  • Listening to: Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze Soundtrack
  • Reading: Textbooks
  • Watching: The Tick
  • Playing: Super Mario 64: Chaos Edition
  • Eating: Soon to be dinner
  • Drinking: Soon to be soda

deviantID

Shining-Scribe
Scribe
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Name's Teran (at least that's what I go by online), and I like video games, animated shows, and making up stories.
I am now doing requests!! If you would like to see an OC or OCs in a story or poem (of your choosing of course) please let me know. If there's any character or setting you want me to write about, I will gladly take on the challenge. I'll abide by anything you request, and I'm willing to take risks if that's what you want.
If you want a request, all you have to do is send me a note or leave a comment on my page. Requests are free of charge and there are no limits. I'm willing to go light or dark, gentle or risque, whatever floats your boat. .w.
So, if you ever get any ideas, lay 'em on me!

Here's some basic information about me if anybody is interested:

Grade: 2nd year of college at Missouri State University
Major: English
Career Goal: Author
Appearance: 6 feet tall, long dark hair, lot of facial hair, hazel eyes, skinny build (I ain't posting a picture of me because I'm too ugly XD)
Relationship Status: Couldn't be any more in love, been dating the woman of my dreams for 14 months, and we want to be with each other forever.
Interests: Video games, animated shows, writing, listening to music, daydreaming, monkeying around
Favorite video games: Donkey Kong Country series, Super Mario Bros series (don't have a favorite XP), Tales of Symphonia (one of the few RPGs I really get into, along with Earthbound), Super Smash Bros series
Consoles I own: Nintendo Entertainment System (well, it's actually a Retro Entertainment System, but it plays NES games), Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Nintendo 64, Playstation 2, Game Boy Color, Game Boy Advance SP, DS Lite, Wii.
Favorite video game: Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
Music genres I like: heavy metal, symphonic metal, Jmetal (Japanese metal), Jpop (Japanese pop), rock, just about anything with an orchestra and/or a badass chanting choir, disco (it's a guilty pleasure, don't laugh x.x)
Favorite music groups: Nightwish, Linkin Park, 80's hair bands
Favorite songs: Phoenix (Breaking Down), The Poet and the Pendulum (Nightwish), Song of Myself (Nightwish), Numb (Linkin Park), video game music (all kinds, especially if there's an orchestra and/or choir involved, such as Cantata Mortis & God In Fire from Dissidia Final Fantasy 012)
Favorite movies: V for Vendetta, Happy Gilmore, Toy Story trilogy, Dragon Ball Z: Cooler's Revenge
Favorite western animated shows: Courage the Cowardly Dog (favorite), Ed, Edd, n Eddy, Samurai Jack, Codename: Kids Next Door
Favorite Japanese anime: Dragon Ball Z, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Venus Versus Virus (the manga is WAY better, but the anime is a guilty pleasure)
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Friends

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconjcsolis01:
JCSolis01 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch!
It really means a lot. :D
Reply
:iconshining-scribe:
Shining-Scribe Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
You've earned it! :) 
Reply
:iconjcsolis01:
JCSolis01 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! Blush :D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconlightsthroughshadow:
Lightsthroughshadow Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Student Photographer
Thanks for the favs :)
Reply
:iconforestofairies:
ForestoFairies Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you Mr. Teran for the fav.
Reply
:iconshining-scribe:
Shining-Scribe Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
You are quite welcome. >w<
Reply
:icontheweakwriter:
TheWeakWriter Featured By Owner 4 days ago  New Deviant Professional Writer
Thanks a lot for the favorites!
Reply
:icontheweakwriter:
TheWeakWriter Featured By Owner 4 days ago  New Deviant Professional Writer
And for the watch! Means a lot!
Reply
:iconaylee95:
aylee95 Featured By Owner 6 days ago
Thank you very much for the fave!
Reply
:iconmegimoose98:
MegiMoose98 Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the fave, I hope you have a 
wonderful week! 
Reply
Add a Comment: